Biblical Marriage and Purity

At Freedom and Hope Biblical Counseling we believe in Biblical marriage, which means a union and commitment between a man and a woman before God. We also believe that God requires that we remain pure until marriage so that the marriage bed will remain sacred and undefiled. In our line of work we see first hand the effects of sex, fornication, and lust outside of marriage and the wake of destruction it causes, from generation to generation.

We also believe that Biblical marriage means that the husband is to serve and love their wife as Christ loved the church and gave his life up for her. Christ modeled and demands servant leaders and this needs to be practiced in marriage first and foremost. It comes second nature for most to want to serve people outside the home to make themselves look good but live in complete hypocrisy by treating their spouse and children abusively or with contempt. Husbands are to offer their wife the protection of their bodies, to cherish and love them, to wash their feet, to serve them, and to love them as they love themselves, put their needs above their own, to point them to God, and to die for them if necessary. Unfortunately, most men believe that they deserve and are entitled to respect without earning it, and they believe that to lead is to be served. This mentality often leads to discontent, entitlement, and a desire to look outside the marriage for the respect they believe they are entitled to. This can become an excuse to engage in emotional, and physical affairs, to flirt with other women, to watch pornography, or any behavior and addiction that distances them from their spouse and family. When a woman is with a servant-leader and Godly man the love and respect he craves will be abundant. The man is the leader and it is his responsibility to lead in Biblical principles and protect the marriage. When there has been infidelity outside of the marriage on the husbands side the idea of a servant-leader is even more important and necessary. He needs to be ready to get on his knees, confess, repent, fast, pray, wash his wife's feet, serve her, and do everything necessary to mend the marriage.

Many wives believe that they are to submit to their husbands in everything and that it is not their job to correct their husband or point them to Christ. They have been taught a doctrine of "cop-out", victimhood, and get solace in believing they have no control, it's not their fault, or that their husbands actions are not their responsibility. It is true that their husbands behaviors are not their fault but how much do you have to hate someone to believe there is a Hell and to not want to correct them or call them out in sin when you can see it? True love is being concerned for someone's soul and caring enough to offer correction. It is the wife's job to be respectable and pure and to be the iron that sharpens iron for their husband. This is our calling as Christians, to evangelize, to love the way Christ did, have no tolerance for sin, and this is even more imperative in our marriages and family dynamics. A wife is called to submit to her husband as to "the Lord". Christ always comes first and we are to test every thought and action according to Scripture and call out fellow Christians in sin. Women are not to follow their husbands into sin but rather flee from it, rebuke it, pray, and call out their husbands, like all Christians are supposed to do to each other. A woman is a man's help-mate and they are supposed to be helping their husband follow God, run the household, flee from sin, and live a Godly life.

The Bible states that a man is to leave his father and mother and "cleave" to his wife. "Cleave" means "to adhere, to stick fast, to cling, or to be faithful". This is an action. Anyone at anytime can decide to no longer "cleave" to their spouse but this is what God requires of us, to forsake all others and cleave to our spouse, to delight in our wife or husband.

When there has been infidelity or a lifetime of fornication the "cleaving" to their spouse can be harder than normal. There has never been a true "oneness" between the couple, or there has already been a spiritual/physical "oneness" with pornography or other partners in our past, and so there will be constant temptation to be attracted to others, to cleave to others. Cleaving to their spouse is going to take extra effort for people who have actively chosen the opposite, something that is much easier for virgins coming into marriage, or couples who have never experienced infidelity in marriage. This can be discouraging but God is all powerful and capable of redeeming. He is in the business of healing and restoring people and marriage but we need to recognize the consequences of sin which God never says He takes away. When we have actively chosen sin we have opened the door for demonic attack and temptation. Satan loves to use things we have done or chosen in the past to try to tempt us back into old behaviors. This is why full honesty (confession) about our past and what we have done is so important so that we, and our spouse, can know where the devil is going to tempt and attack. God cleanses us, and washes us, but the consequences of our actions will still be there (the hurt and pain), and we need to choose Him, and righteous living from now on. Resist the devil and he will flee (James 4:7 ). Sin no more!

"Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." James 4:7

"We know that God does not listen to sinners. He listens to the godly person who does his will" John 9:31

"But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman with lust as committed adultery with her in his heart" Matthew 5:28

"The LORD is far from the wicked, but he hears the prayers of the righteous." Proverbs 15:29

"Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered." 1 Peter 3:7

"For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Mark 10:45

"It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant." Matthew 20:26

"Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." Philippians 2:3-4

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body." Ephesians 5:25-30

"Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous." Hebrews 13:4

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” Ephesians 5:31

"Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives" 1Peter 3:1

"As iron sharpens iron so one person sharpens another" Proverbs 27:17

"Do not be deceived, bad company corrupts good morals" 1 Corinthians 15:33

"Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord" Ephesians 5:22

"Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God." 1 Corinthians 6:9

"And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” Matthew 19:9

"But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery." Matthew 5:32

"He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself." Proverbs 6:32

"Those who love discipline love knowledge, but fools hate any kind of correction." Proverbs 12:1

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." Genesis 2:24

"He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” Matthew 19: 4-6

"But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband." 1 Corinthians 7:2

"To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them." 1 Corinthians 7: 10-17

"Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.”But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit. Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies." 1 Corinthians 6:15-20