Freedom and Hope Biblical Counseling
The truth will set you free.
Biblical Marriage and Purity
At Freedom and Hope Biblical Counseling we believe in Biblical marriage, which means a union and commitment between a man and a woman before God. We also believe that God requires that we remain pure until marriage so that the marriage bed will remain sacred and undefiled. In our line of work we see first hand the effects of sex, fornication, and lust outside of marriage and the wake of destruction it causes, from generation to generation.
We also believe that Biblical marriage means that the husband is to serve and love their wife as Christ loved the church and gave his life up for her. Christ modeled and demands servant leaders and this needs to be practiced in marriage first and foremost. It comes second nature for most to want to serve people outside the home to make themselves look good but live in complete hypocrisy by treating their spouse and children abusively or with contempt. Husbands are to offer their wife the protection of their bodies, to cherish and love them, to wash their feet, to serve them, and to love them as they love themselves, put their needs above their own, to point them to God, and to die for them if necessary. Unfortunately, most men believe that they deserve and are entitled to respect without earning it, and they believe that to lead is to be served. This mentality often leads to discontent, entitlement, and a desire to look outside the marriage for the respect they believe they are entitled to. This can become an excuse to engage in emotional, and physical affairs, to flirt with other women, to watch pornography, or any behavior and addiction that distances them from their spouse and family. When a woman is with a servant-leader and Godly man the love and respect he craves will be abundant. The man is the leader and it is his responsibility to lead in Biblical principles and protect the marriage. When there has been infidelity outside of the marriage on the husbands side the idea of a servant-leader is even more important and necessary. He needs to be ready to get on his knees, confess, repent, fast, pray, wash his wife's feet, serve her, and do everything necessary to mend the marriage.
Many wives believe that they are to submit to their husbands in everything and that it is not their job to correct their husband or point them to Christ. They have been taught a doctrine of "cop-out", victimhood, and get solace in believing they have no control, it's not their fault, or that their husbands actions are not their responsibility. It is true that their husbands behaviors are not their fault but how much do you have to hate someone to believe there is a Hell and to not want to correct them or call them out in sin when you can see it? True love is being concerned for someone's soul and caring enough to offer correction. It is the wife's job to be respectable and pure and to be the iron that sharpens iron for their husband. This is our calling as Christians, to evangelize, to love the way Christ did, have no tolerance for sin, and this is even more imperative in our marriages and family dynamics. A wife is called to submit to her husband as to "the Lord". Christ always comes first and we are to test every thought and action according to Scripture and call out fellow Christians in sin. Women are not to follow their husbands into sin but rather flee from it, rebuke it, pray, and call out their husbands, like all Christians are supposed to do to each other. A woman is a man's help-mate and they are supposed to be helping their husband follow God, run the household, flee from sin, and live a Godly life.
The Bible states that a man is to leave his father and mother and "cleave" to his wife. "Cleave" means "to adhere, to stick fast, to cling, or to be faithful". This is an action. Anyone at anytime can decide to no longer "cleave" to their spouse but this is what God requires of us, to forsake all others and cleave to our spouse, to delight in our wife or husband.
When there has been infidelity or a lifetime of fornication the "cleaving" to their spouse can be harder than normal. There has never been a true "oneness" between the couple, or there has already been a spiritual/physical "oneness" with pornography or other partners in our past, and so there will be constant temptation to be attracted to others, to cleave to others. Cleaving to their spouse is going to take extra effort for people who have actively chosen the opposite, something that is much easier for virgins coming into marriage, or couples who have never experienced infidelity in marriage. This can be discouraging but God is all powerful and capable of redeeming. He is in the business of healing and restoring people and marriage but we need to recognize the consequences of sin which God never says He takes away. When we have actively chosen sin we have opened the door for demonic attack and temptation. Satan loves to use things we have done or chosen in the past to try to tempt us back into old behaviors. This is why full honesty (confession) about our past and what we have done is so important so that we, and our spouse, can know where the devil is going to tempt and attack. God cleanses us, and washes us, but the consequences of our actions will still be there (the hurt and pain), and we need to choose Him, and righteous living from now on. Resist the devil and he will flee (James 4:7 ). Sin no more!
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